Managing time is one of the most important things in work life battles as a working, studying mother. The first thing I recommend you do is work out what you can outsource. Go ahead. What can you outsource to your children, your spouse, your mother, your neighbour etc. Can you afford to pay someone to do some of the million things you have to do?
Is there something else you can cut out so you can afford to pay someone? Personally I pay for childcare, pay for a cleaner and ironing and my husband turns the kitchen over and helps put the kids to bed. He also helps with breakfast and making lunches for school. You have to have serious non-blamey conversations with people about how you need help. Remember you need help because you are human and you have important things that need doing too. You really truly can't do everything. Even I concede this. And this is the most important part. Let them do it THEIR way. Even if it is stupid. So long as it actually is being done it doesn't matter that it is not how you would do it. Back off. If I told you you hung out pants the wrong way you would get huffy but truth is there is almost always more than one way to do everything. Sure some things need ground rules but if your husband's idea of dinner is chicken nuggets and frozen vegetables every Tuesday so you can get to a meeting/class/gym and the kids and he eat it then SHUT UP about it. Actually that is stupid advice. Don't shut up. Thank him for it. Always thank people for helping you. Always. Even if it is your spouse doing what you think is something he ought to do anyway. Words are cheap but they buy so much happiness and inflict so much pain. Remember focus on your goal - you have work or study (or whatever or both!) to do. This allows you to get it done. That is worth much more overall. Think about it.
Also dump things you don't need to do that don't make you happy or productive. Be ruthless. You don't need to make Timmy's Super-Train-Ben-Pirate birthday cake. From scratch. There are other mums out there who would adore to make it and who enjoy making it. Let them. Who cares if the kids shirts aren't ironed (ignoring school shirts which do apparently need ironing - who made that rule!)? No one needs homemade meals every single meal every single day of the year. Don't take positions that tie up time, mental energy or both with little reward. Even if you are asked you can say this phrase :Regretfully I cannot take up that position/undertake this task/bend over backwards, but thank you for asking/nominating me. Practice it so that it sounds sincere and natural (to you too).
Ok enough preaching from me. I have some marking to do which this nicely helped me avoid. Oh and one more tip - don't take up Twitter or Blogging...
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Friday, March 11, 2011
Not today please I am too busy
A friend of mine describes me as someone who has turned multi-tasking into an extreme sport. I can go with that imagery. One thing that my sport of multitasking teaches me is that near enough is quite often quite good enough. Nothing in life needs to be perfect, not my parenting, not my hair, not my teaching preparation (no such thing anyway) and certainly not my research and writing.
I choose my battles. I don't care that my son's school uniform shirt is no longer white with a yellow stripe and black colour and is instead a nice multi-coloured smear. Ok I do care, but not enough to bother trying to fix it. The shirts come off my son and into the wash where they come out clean but not white. I don't care that other mothers bake and individually decorate cupcakes for their children to take to school on their birthday (I hired a neighbour to do it). My son was happy, my son's friends were happy, and I was happy. Win-win as they say.
Another thing my extreme sport has taught me is that lots of people are willing to waste your time. You have to be ruthless in watching out for them. It could be something as nice as asking you to wait for them to join you at lunch or coffee (thus spinning out your allocated time beyond what you initially planned). Or it could be something darkly political such as engaging in plagiarism with your hard earned material. This latter one was particularly confronting. I could lie down and roll over and not waste time energy and resources on it or I could confront it head on. I took it on. It took time (and pushed up my blood pressure) to sort out but it was worth it. It was my hard work that was being appropriated without credit and frankly that should not happen in a university work environment by another academic (senior to me actually). Bad enough in the private sector where bosses claim credit for your work (yes I am still looking at you Ms EvilBitchMonsterBoss) but to happen in a University where plagiarism gets students kicked out and brings down academic reputations is just unacceptable. Now I need to figure out the best way of ensuring that does not happen again (apart from always being coordinator of a unit). Ideas are welcome.
Back to the juggle.
I choose my battles. I don't care that my son's school uniform shirt is no longer white with a yellow stripe and black colour and is instead a nice multi-coloured smear. Ok I do care, but not enough to bother trying to fix it. The shirts come off my son and into the wash where they come out clean but not white. I don't care that other mothers bake and individually decorate cupcakes for their children to take to school on their birthday (I hired a neighbour to do it). My son was happy, my son's friends were happy, and I was happy. Win-win as they say.
Another thing my extreme sport has taught me is that lots of people are willing to waste your time. You have to be ruthless in watching out for them. It could be something as nice as asking you to wait for them to join you at lunch or coffee (thus spinning out your allocated time beyond what you initially planned). Or it could be something darkly political such as engaging in plagiarism with your hard earned material. This latter one was particularly confronting. I could lie down and roll over and not waste time energy and resources on it or I could confront it head on. I took it on. It took time (and pushed up my blood pressure) to sort out but it was worth it. It was my hard work that was being appropriated without credit and frankly that should not happen in a university work environment by another academic (senior to me actually). Bad enough in the private sector where bosses claim credit for your work (yes I am still looking at you Ms EvilBitchMonsterBoss) but to happen in a University where plagiarism gets students kicked out and brings down academic reputations is just unacceptable. Now I need to figure out the best way of ensuring that does not happen again (apart from always being coordinator of a unit). Ideas are welcome.
Back to the juggle.
Sunday, March 6, 2011
Running Mothers
There is lots of stuff about mothers running. It is a sport that particularly well suits mothers. It gives you awesome fitness levels needed for keeping up with (especially young) children. It gives you time out needed to recharge. It gives you a nice figure so that you don't feel quite so turned inside out by what pregnancy does to your body. It makes you feel powerful. A nice counterweight to the feeling of powerlessness that is often the accompaniment to parenting. Particularly when parenting young children where life seems to careen so quickly from chaos into totally out of control. When you run you feel powerful, strong, in control and so so good about yourself and your life. Exercise of course also increases your energy level (something I admit to not really understanding - how does burning energy make you more energetic?). All things that immensely help a mother cope with life. At least this mother who juggles quite a few balls at once. It is also excellent as a de-stresser and can justify lovely luxuries like massage.
It is also so easy to take up. You just need good shoes, clothes that are comfortable to run in, and a really really good sports bra (motherhood often blesses you with great breasts but they need support or they become great coin-filled socks attached to your chest). A few things are helpful but not critical are a music system like a MP3 player with headphones (buy the ones that have a bit that curls behind the ears to hold them in place); runners clothes (as opposed to just clothes that you can run in) and dare I say it, a treadmill. Although the latter is expensive and takes up a lot of room for something used only a couple of hours a week it really really is a worthwhile investment for mothers who run. I can run in the evening (or morning but I hate mornings) when either my kids have gone to bed or my husband is at least home and not fear for my life or worry that I will step in a crack and break my mother back. I can run on hot days in the relative coolness of my garage (I have a fan too) and I can run in winter and rain (probably snow and sleet but that doesn't happen where I live. So my routine is not messed up by stupid weather conditions. And now for the total utter luxury that a treadmill gives you - I set up a TV with DVD player in front of my treadmill. Sometimes my husband gets on his bike trainer and I get on my treadmill and we ride/run and watch a TV show together. Quite companionable. In an average TV show I can burn on average 350-400 calories. That is equivalent to a light meal. I also watch my own TV shows that my husband isn't that interested in (on DVD in case you are wondering). So it really is me time in the best sense.
Now if someone could just explain to me why exercising and watching what you eat makes you feel better than sitting around eating chocolate and drinking wine I would be very grateful. And I would be even more grateful if the Universe would reverse that reality... actually on second thoughts I don't. I love running and I love how it makes me feel.
Got to keep on moving!
It is also so easy to take up. You just need good shoes, clothes that are comfortable to run in, and a really really good sports bra (motherhood often blesses you with great breasts but they need support or they become great coin-filled socks attached to your chest). A few things are helpful but not critical are a music system like a MP3 player with headphones (buy the ones that have a bit that curls behind the ears to hold them in place); runners clothes (as opposed to just clothes that you can run in) and dare I say it, a treadmill. Although the latter is expensive and takes up a lot of room for something used only a couple of hours a week it really really is a worthwhile investment for mothers who run. I can run in the evening (or morning but I hate mornings) when either my kids have gone to bed or my husband is at least home and not fear for my life or worry that I will step in a crack and break my mother back. I can run on hot days in the relative coolness of my garage (I have a fan too) and I can run in winter and rain (probably snow and sleet but that doesn't happen where I live. So my routine is not messed up by stupid weather conditions. And now for the total utter luxury that a treadmill gives you - I set up a TV with DVD player in front of my treadmill. Sometimes my husband gets on his bike trainer and I get on my treadmill and we ride/run and watch a TV show together. Quite companionable. In an average TV show I can burn on average 350-400 calories. That is equivalent to a light meal. I also watch my own TV shows that my husband isn't that interested in (on DVD in case you are wondering). So it really is me time in the best sense.
Now if someone could just explain to me why exercising and watching what you eat makes you feel better than sitting around eating chocolate and drinking wine I would be very grateful. And I would be even more grateful if the Universe would reverse that reality... actually on second thoughts I don't. I love running and I love how it makes me feel.
Got to keep on moving!
Saturday, March 5, 2011
How to Lose Weight in 6 months
I lost 8 kilos in 6 months! Let me tell you how! I just did 2 things that anyone can do.
1) I restricted my calories to 1200 calories a day . I didn't particularly obsess about what into making those calories. Although I have to say the less processed the food the less calories there were and the longer I felt full so I naturally drifted towards cooking at home, taking along my own lunch (and snacks!) and generally eating less processed food. But this way there was no good or bad foods. I ate icecream most days (bless Bulla chocolate coated icecreams) and usually a glass of white wine too.
I kept track of calories using www.myfitnesspal.com which made it relatively simple.
Importantly I don't fret if I go over but I try not to go over by more than 10% more than 3 times a week.
2) I moved more. I started the C25K (couch to five km) program on my i-phone - it is also available in other formats try here as a starting point http://www.c25k.com/ It took me 11 weeks to complete the 9 week program. (Life interruptus in the beginning)
As I logged the kms running I switched to Runkeeper which enables me to track my overall kms, times, location of runs etc etc. I love a good record. It tells me since I made the switch in January that I have run 24 times, logging 120kms and burnt over 7,000 calories.
The more I did of 2) the more calories I burnt which then enabled me to eat more while still losing weight! Now if I know I am going out to dinner or lunch I go for a run to burn some calories so I can eat and drink (within reason) without "dieting".
I run mostly in the evenings but increasingly whenever I can grab a chance. I run to stay fit, I run to burn calories and I run because I now love it. But the love affair with running is a whole other entry.
My goal is to hit 54 kilos - a clean 10 kg loss from my starting weight. And before you start screaming about me being too thin I am only 153 cm tall and fairly light framed.
Anyone can do it. There is no magic just control consumption and exert energy. Physics will do the rest!
1) I restricted my calories to 1200 calories a day . I didn't particularly obsess about what into making those calories. Although I have to say the less processed the food the less calories there were and the longer I felt full so I naturally drifted towards cooking at home, taking along my own lunch (and snacks!) and generally eating less processed food. But this way there was no good or bad foods. I ate icecream most days (bless Bulla chocolate coated icecreams) and usually a glass of white wine too.
I kept track of calories using www.myfitnesspal.com which made it relatively simple.
Importantly I don't fret if I go over but I try not to go over by more than 10% more than 3 times a week.
2) I moved more. I started the C25K (couch to five km) program on my i-phone - it is also available in other formats try here as a starting point http://www.c25k.com/ It took me 11 weeks to complete the 9 week program. (Life interruptus in the beginning)
As I logged the kms running I switched to Runkeeper which enables me to track my overall kms, times, location of runs etc etc. I love a good record. It tells me since I made the switch in January that I have run 24 times, logging 120kms and burnt over 7,000 calories.
The more I did of 2) the more calories I burnt which then enabled me to eat more while still losing weight! Now if I know I am going out to dinner or lunch I go for a run to burn some calories so I can eat and drink (within reason) without "dieting".
I run mostly in the evenings but increasingly whenever I can grab a chance. I run to stay fit, I run to burn calories and I run because I now love it. But the love affair with running is a whole other entry.
My goal is to hit 54 kilos - a clean 10 kg loss from my starting weight. And before you start screaming about me being too thin I am only 153 cm tall and fairly light framed.
Anyone can do it. There is no magic just control consumption and exert energy. Physics will do the rest!
Friday, March 4, 2011
Project Restart
So I thought I would start blogging again.
Checked my life goals from December 2009 for things to achieve in 2010.
Things I achieved in 2010 and into beginning of 2011 (since we are now in March)
1)lost 8 kilograms (yup 8!)
2) can run 8 kms (takes me a whole hour obviously not olympic standards)
3) published a peer reviewed article in a law journal - from my thesis
4) still married (and actually back in a warm fuzzy happy place with my marriage)
5) completed an internal training course which is 1/8 of a diploma in higher education
6) started my PhD at Sydney
7) Presented at 2 conferences - one in NZ and one in Melbourne - both went very well. Latter extremely well received.
So all in all not too bad a year. Hopefully things will continue on this upward trajectory.
Checked my life goals from December 2009 for things to achieve in 2010.
Things I achieved in 2010 and into beginning of 2011 (since we are now in March)
1)lost 8 kilograms (yup 8!)
2) can run 8 kms (takes me a whole hour obviously not olympic standards)
3) published a peer reviewed article in a law journal - from my thesis
4) still married (and actually back in a warm fuzzy happy place with my marriage)
5) completed an internal training course which is 1/8 of a diploma in higher education
6) started my PhD at Sydney
7) Presented at 2 conferences - one in NZ and one in Melbourne - both went very well. Latter extremely well received.
So all in all not too bad a year. Hopefully things will continue on this upward trajectory.
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